Advent is normally my favorite liturgical season: waiting with hope for Jesus, journeying with Joseph and Mary, and preparing my heart to receive Jesus. This year, Advent looked a lot different. I was faced with the impending sadness that Christmas would not be the same without my cousin Mason who passed away in January. Instead of waiting with hope, I found myself waiting with dread, not knowing what Christmas would look like this year.
When I told my counselor this, she asked if I could use a Bible verse or image to ground me. I instantly thought of being in the home of the Holy Family, them wrapping me in a warm embrace. In spending more time with the Holy Family during the course of Advent, I found myself allowing them into the deep crevices of my heart that I’d kept locked up. The Holy Family sat with me in my anxiety, in my deep moments of sadness of missing Mason, in moments of joy, and everything in between.
A few days before my birthday, I had a thought on a whim to ask Jesus for flowers for my birthday. I don’t think my heart could articulate at the time why I asked for flowers, but it seems like I was looking for hope, for beauty to bloom in the midst of darkness my heart was experiencing.
I went back to work the day after my birthday, a beautiful bouquet of roses and lilies on my desk! I assumed the bouquet was from one of my coworkers, only to open the card attached to it and realizing it was from a married couple at the church were I work. I don’t even know how they knew it was my birthday.
It wasn’t until I went to Mass that day and was sitting before the Lord when it all dawned on me, that my prayer for flowers had been answered in a radical way. My sister later reminded me that roses and lilies are the flowers of Mary and Joseph; I was at a loss for words. Not only had Jesus pursued my heart in the most tangible way, but He, in His goodness, knew the bouquet needed the flowers of Mary and Joseph. The hope I’d been longing to feel all throughout Advent was finally beginning to bloom in my heart.
I have a deep sense of peace, knowing that the beauty and fragrance of the flowers is a representation for the beauty that Mason is experiencing with the Holy Family in Heaven. I feel myself being wrapped in the sweet fragrance of the roses and lilies, feeling embraced in a very real way by the Holy Family and by Mason.
The flowers that now sit on my desk are beginning to wither, although they still make my room smell wonderful. In a few days, when the flowers die, I can still find Jesus’ loving embrace in spiritual bouquets that He lavishes on me whenever I spend time with Him in prayer.
St. Francis de Sales talks about spiritual bouquets the Lord presents to us when we spend time with Him.
“At the end of your meditation linger a while, and gather, so to say, a little spiritual bouquet from the thought you have dwelt upon, the sweet perfume whereof may refresh you through the day.” - St. Francis de Sales
Jesus is always speaking to us, always lavishing a fragrant bouquet upon us. Are our eyes open to see it, our sense open to smell the sweetness of His goodness?
What are some of the gifts He’s given you this Christmas Season, this past Advent? What words has He been speaking to you or what images has He placed on your heart? Have there been people you’ve encountered who have touched you or recent memories you’re cherishing?
One thing’s certain, the Lord may not give us what we want, but He always gives us what we need. I invite you to take some time to reflect on the bouquet He knew you needed, the bouquet He’s already placed right in front of you.
With Love,
Kirst
